


When You Love Someone

by slytherinintj13



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst, Blue Eyes, Character Study, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Episode: s03e08 The Battle of Starcourt, Hawkins National Laboratory, Heavy Angst, Long, Not Beta Read, Not Happy, Not a Love Story, One Shot, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Episode: s03e08 The Battle of Starcourt, Relationship Study, Sad, Sad Ending, Sibling Rivalry, Songfic, Sorry Not Sorry, Stranger Things Spoilers, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 11:56:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19927690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinintj13/pseuds/slytherinintj13
Summary: A character study focused on Billy Hargrove and his family and his relationship with his adopted sister Max. This fic is inspired by the song "When You Love Someone" by James TW. In the fic, you get a better look at the life of Billy, and it shows that things are simultaneously not as bad as they look and so much worse than they seem; it depends how you look at it, honestly.The song can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bf3CJZ4hvg





	When You Love Someone

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very angsty fic, and while I tried not to go too in-detail about Billy's abusive past, it got pretty heavy. I wouldn't say it's graphic necessarily, but I put all the warnings in the tags just in case. I ask that you please stop reading if you begin to feel triggered at any point in the story; your mental health is worth much more than a fanfic. Also, this ended up way longer than I meant for it to be, sorry. The title is also the title of the song which inspired me to write this; I do not own the song ( all lyrics will be italicized) nor do I own Stranger Things. Thanks for reading, remember to take care of yourselves, and please enjoy.
> 
> P.S. I know this isn't how the song was really meant to be seen, but I'm just focusing on the lyrics here and using this interpretation of them for this fic.

Billy Hargrove had always seen his mom as invincible, kind of like a superhero. She never took shit from anyone, but she didn’t hurt people in the process. She taught Billy to stand up for himself when other kids in his grade would say mean things on the playground, and she never got mad when he came home with a scraped knee from falling off the monkey bars; instead, she made sure he was okay, cleaned up the wound, and told him to be more careful. He loved and trusted her more than anyone else; she was so strong yet so compassionate, and she was Billy’s hero, even if he’d never tell her that. Which is why Billy was so confused when he started noticing bruises on her body, bruises which always showed up in the morning, after his mom and dad had yelled at each other for hours the night before. 

_ Come home early after class _

_ Don’t be hanging ‘round the back of the schoolyard _

_ I’ve been called up by your teacher _

_ She said she can’t even reach you 'cause you’re so far _

_ You’ve been talking with your fists _

_ We didn’t raise you up like this, now did we? _

_ There’ve been changes in this house _

_ Things you don’t know about in this family _

Billy started to notice the way his dad always kept an eye on her, and at first he thought his dad was being protective. Eventually, he thought his dad looked at her the way a person looks at a disobedient dog: like he owned her. But people loved their dogs, even when they misbehaved, thought Billy. The bruising became more frequent, more visible, and Billy had a bad feeling he couldn’t identify, so he decided to find out. When he asked his mom about the bruises one day, he said “it’s because daddy loves you, though. Right?” His mom smiled at him, nodded, and pulled him in for a tight hug. Billy thought it was because he guessed right; he thought she was proud of him. It turned out she was smiling because she was saying goodbye. The tears in her eyes weren’t from joy, as he’d once thought, but from pain. 

When his mom left, Billy was confused. She told him she loved him, so why did she leave? At first, Billy thought maybe she was on vacation; maybe this was temporary. Maybe she’d come back soon. More time passed, and Billy’s hopes of seeing his mother again faded a little more each day. He started to ask himself why. Why had she left? She did know that he loved her, right? Maybe he hadn’t told her, and she thought he didn’t want to see her. What else could it be? In the back of his mind, he wondered about the yelling, fighting, and bruising, but his mom had told him that was because his dad loved her. She wouldn’t lie to him. She’d never lied to him before, and she wouldn’t have lied . . . right?

When Billy was a little bit older, he asked his dad where mom had gone and why she left. Niel told him to shut up, which confused Billy even more. He tried to speak, but he was met with the pain of fists pounding into him, hard and angry. He thought his dad was yelling “it’s your fault!” but he couldn’t really tell; he was too busy crying. He curled in on himself and let the tears fall long after his dad had stopped hitting him, and at the end of it all, he was more confused than ever. His mom told him that’s what his dad did to express love, but his dad had seemed angry. Not just angry, furious. Maniacal. And love wasn’t supposed to hurt. At least, that’s what he’d thought. Maybe he was wrong; maybe love did hurt, and, as much as it sucked, Billy could endure the pain because it meant his dad loved him. 

_ It don’t make sense, but nevertheless _

_ You gotta believe us, it’s all for the best _

_ It don’t make sense _

_ The way things go _

_ Son, you should know _

When Billy started to make friends, his dad never let them come over to his house; Billy always had to go to theirs. He was alright with that, but it made him feel a little unwanted, and it hurt that his dad had no interest in meeting his new friends. He pushed those feelings away quickly because they weren’t important. What was important was that he got to spend time with his friends, who he loved. They would wrestle playfully, tackling each other and passing a ball around, and everyone laughed. Until Billy broke his friend’s nose. They’d all been messing around, having a good time, and Billy had decided to go for it; throw a punch. His fist collided with his friend’s face, and there was a sickening crunch, which was followed by a stream of tears and blood. “Why’d you do that?” his friends asked, horrified. 

“Because we’re friends,” Billy replied, casually. That must have been the wrong thing to say because soon after, his dad came to pick him up, and he spent the entire drive home yelling at Billy, who was now no longer allowed to go to his friend’s house. 

His dad looked at him sternly and said “that is not how you treat your friends, Billy.” Billy looked up at him with shining eyes, oblivious to what he’d done wrong. All he knew was that it was bad, he didn’t have friends anymore, and he didn’t feel good--not physically; physically, he was fine, but emotionally he was wrecked--he felt guilty as hell. 

_ Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love _

_ Sometimes two homes are better than one _

_ Some things you can’t tell your sister 'cause she’s still too young _

_ Yeah, you’ll understand _

_ When you love someone _

Soon after the incident, as Billy and his dad referred to it, Billy’s dad held a “family meeting” in the living room, which had never happened before. Billy walked into the room and was surprised to see a tall, slender woman next to his dad and a short redhead standing off to the side. “What’s going on?” he asked, confused. 

“Billy, meet Susan and Max Mayfield. They’re going to be part of our new family.” Billy furrowed his brow.

“What do you mean, new family?”

“I mean, Susan and I are getting married. She is going to be your new mom, and Max is going to be your sister.” Billy stood there, shocked.

“But what about Mom?” he exclaimed, feeling oddly betrayed. “She isn’t dead, and you are just getting married to someone else!” he continued. Just as he opened his mouth to speak again, his dad slapped him across the face, and the girl in the corner--Max, he assumed--let out a small gasp of shock. 

“Your mother is gone, and she isn’t coming back. She chose to leave, to abandon this family, so stop defending her! Do you hear me?” Billy’s dad yelled, leaning down to stare straight into Billy’s blue eyes, which were full of fear. Billy remained silent, and his dad spoke once more, his voice deadly calm. “I said do you hear me?” Billy nodded anxiously, and his dad clapped him on the shoulder. “Good. Because this is non-negotiable” before walking back to Susan Mayfield, who would soon be Susan Hargrove, and snaking an arm around her waist. He whispered something in her ear and she giggled, as though she’d never witnessed what had just happened.

_ There ain’t no one here to blame _

_ And nothing’s going to change with your old friends _

_ Your room will stay the same _

_ 'Cause you’ll only be away on the weekends _

It wasn’t long before his dad--who he’d taken to calling Neil--married Susan. They all lived under the same roof, and Susan now occupied the same spaces his mother used to. She took her seat at the dinner table, her spot in the master bedroom, her role as the glue that held the family together, and she was absolutely terrible at it. She spent the day in the bedroom with Neil, and Billy quickly learned all he needed to know about sex, perhaps even a bit more than he wanted to know. This left him with a lot of free time, which he tried to spend with Max, but it soon became clear that they just didn’t get along. Max was too standoffish, stubborn, and independent, and Billy was too dominating, aggressive, and controlling. Neither Susan nor Neil liked that Max and Billy fought, and ultimately, Neil decided there were just too many bad memories in this house. They were going to move. Both Max and Billy were upset about this; they both had friends--Max more than Billy, but the effect was the same--and they’d started lives here. Billy had gotten into basketball and found a group that liked the same loud, angry music he did. Max had just gotten good at skateboarding and found a nice comic shop to visit. All in all, the kids were not happy about the move. Somehow, this simultaneously brought them closer together and drew them further apart. They felt there was a silent agreement, an unspoken bond, formed in the shared hatred of this new family structure. At the same time, the two had very different approaches to the move, and Billy was not happy about the level of responsibility that his new duty of looking after Max brought.

As they got closer to their last day in California, Billy spent a lot of time thinking, and he kept thinking about the same thing over and over. If the bruises meant his dad loved him and his mom, his real mom, then why didn’t Susan have any? She was the one Neil had chosen to marry; he’d chosen her over his mom, who was still out there somewhere. Marriage was a sign of love. Some might say it is the greatest sign of love. But Billy had been told different, and the situation confused the hell out of him because there was only one answer that explained everything: his mom had lied to him. That realization stung; he’d trusted her with everything--everything. And she’d lied. It wasn’t just a white lie, either. It was huge. Billy had spent so much time feeling guilty, thinking he was the reason his mom left, and accepting each hit as it came, no matter how much it hurt, all because of her. The pain of Neil’s beatings was nothing compared to the realization that the woman he’d idolized his entire life had lied, left, and Billy had suffered as a result. The emotions overwhelmed him, and he now knew with utmost certainty that the bruises did not mean love; they meant anger, hatred, and maybe even fear, and those emotions--the dark, vile, and twisted emotions--were all he felt. 

They finally moved, and the town of Hawkins, Indiana turned out to be worse than either of the kids had imagined. Everything sucked. Billy hated the people; no one was into the things he was, and Max was annoyed by the boys who followed her around. The two were forced to spend more time together as their parents kept dumping the responsibility of looking after Max onto Billy, and it only strained their already weak relationship. Billy’s anger came out in violent flashes of impulsive behavior, and it scared Max. Billy could never face his dad, who had started hitting him more frequently and reminding him how worthless he was, so he took it out elsewhere. If he was miserable, then why did the rest of the town get to live in happiness, under the illusion that all families are happy? They shouldn’t, Billy decided. Yet they did, and it made him jealous, which only fed his anger. He beat other kids to a pulp both in and out of school, and he focused on the ones who looked happy, like Steve Harrington. With each kid who suffered at the hands of Billy hargrove came a punishment from Neil. Ironic how the one who’d caused this beat him for it and expected that to make it stop. It really was a vicious cycle. 

_ It don’t make sense but nevertheless _

_ You gotta believe us, it’s all for the best _

_ It don’t make sense _

_ It don’t add up _

_ But we’ll always love you no matter what _

Max made friends eventually, but Billy remained the same. He was a loner, a bad boy, a heartbreaker, and a bully. He was too scared to get close to anyone lest they do what his mother did to him. The only one he’d ever truly trusted and loved with all his heart had lied to him and then left. She’d left him alone with a monster, and the only way Billy thought he could avoid that kind of pain again was to be one who never got hurt. In this case, he had to be the monster. 

Then the mindflayer came. It possessed him, and Billy was no longer in control of his actions. It was like he watched himself do things, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t prevent himself from doing them. It was a constant battle, and it seemed like he never won. In the back of his mind, he wondered if his increased absence at home made Neil angry, and if so, had he turned that anger onto Susan. Or worse, Max? He didn’t get along with her, that much was true, but he’d never wish Neil’s wrath upon her. She didn’t deserve it, no one did. The number of times Neil had been angry at Max but taken it out on Billy was something only Neil would even know, but both Billy and Max knew it had happened. Max felt guilty every time Billy got beat up, and her guilt caused her to push him away even more. She wouldn’t hurt so much if she wasn’t close to him. So they grew further apart, even though it had seemed it wasn’t possible, they managed, and Billy silently protected Max while Max did her best to stay out of his way. That’s what he said he wanted after all. But underneath the guilt and fear, Max knew it wasn’t what he really wanted, and she couldn’t help but care about Billy. When she learned the mindflayer had taken him as its main host, she cried; she knew it wouldn’t end well, and she blamed herself. She had known about the upside down, and she hadn’t told him, and even though that had seemed to be the right choice at the time, she was now regretting it. Maybe she could have stopped this, if only she’d talked to him, she lamented. But it didn’t matter now; it was too late. 

_ Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love _

_ Sometimes two homes are better than one _

_ Some things you can’t tell your sister 'cause she’s still too young _

_ Yeah, you’ll understand _

_ When you love someone _

_ When you love someone _   
  


There were a few times Billy was able to push through the mindflayer’s control, but it wasn’t enough; there was not enough to pull him back to reality. At least, not until the battle of Starcourt Mall. Eleven, the strange girl with telekinetic powers, she’d seen what no one else had: the inside of his mind, and at the center, the happy memory of his mother. Before he knew the truth about his dad. Before everything in his life went to shit. She used that to pull him back to reality, and he cried for his mom, who he’d never truly mourned, for his sister, who he’d never given a real chance simply because of spite, and, lastly, for himself. This wasn’t fair, none of it was. He stood up to face the creature which had somehow made his life worse than it already was, and as he walked out to the center of the mall, looking around, processing, he heard a scream. “Billy!” Max screamed, and Billy acted on pure instinct. He turned around and grabbed the tentacle flying towards him. He pushed back with all he had, using every ounce of anger in his being--which was a lot--against it. He remembered his mom, who he still loved, despite her betrayal. He remembered Max, who he’d been so cruel to, and the way she’d never acted that way towards him. He’d never given her a chance, and even if they’d always fight, maybe they could have gotten along one day; she had enough spirit and strength to break down Billy’s walls, all she needed was more time. He felt the searing pain of more tentacles tearing into him, but his mind focused on Max, his mother forgotten for the time being. She could have been a friend, his family, and his only sister. And he’d wasted it. Now, who would take the hits when Neil got angry? Probably Max, he thought. The world started fading to black around him, but a vivid red splotch blurred before his eyes. “Billy? Billy!” it called, and he realized it was Max. He hoped she knew he didn’t hate her as much as he pretended to. He hoped she knew that when he got mad, she wasn’t usually the reason. He hoped she knew how sorry he was. “Billy, come on; stay with me,” she said, placing a hand on his cheek. 

_Come home early after class_

_ Don’t be hanging 'round the back of the schoolyard _

_ And if we’re crying on the couch _

_ Don’t let it freak you out _

_ It’s just been so hard _

The red splotch that was Max got smaller and the world got darker, and with his final breath, Billy said “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know it, but Max screamed. She cried for him because she felt the same way about him. They could have been friends. They just hadn’t been given the time to get there. She knew that he only resented her for the beatings he took on her behalf, not for all the other stupid things he said he hated her for. She knew he protected her and actually did take his job of looking after her somewhat seriously, which, for Billy, was pretty damn impressive. They loved each other in their own strange way, and Max would spend a lot of time mourning the brother she barely knew. He deserved better, and she knew it. She hadn’t liked the man, but he was her brother, and they did things for each other, and now he was dead. They hadn’t even gotten the chance to really know each other, and what made it worse for Max was that the last thing he ever did before leaving the world was apologize. He had done some terrible things, but he’d never been apologized to and he’d never apologized to anyone, yet, in his final moments, he did just that, to the one person he thought truly deserved it. Had it been anyone else, Billy wouldn’t have bothered. But this was Max, the sister he never realized he wanted. So he did, and she wouldn’t ever know half the things he wanted to say to her. All she could do was sit there in shock, and understand just a small bit of the anger Billy had felt for most of his life. But she would do better; she wouldn’t beat people up. She would do better, both for herself and for him. In her head, she thought ‘I’m sorry, too,’ but she was unable to speak. She was dragged out of the mall, and the rest was a blur. All she could think of were Billy’s blue eyes and the emotion they held as he clung to the final moment of his life, just to apologize. 

_ Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love _

_ Sometimes the best intentions just ain’t enough _

_ Some things you can’t tell your sister 'cause she’s still too young _

_ Yeah, you’ll understand _

_ When you love someone _

_ When you love someone _

_ When you love someone _

_ When you love someone _   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it; please let me know what you think!


End file.
